New baby!

So, in other news. We have a new baby in the family! Unfortunately it’s not me who has recently became a new mom again it’s my older sister. 

Baby Willow Louise is now 3 weeks old and is an absolute dream! 

I have 2 sisters and between us we have 8 beautiful babies on earth and 1 little angel. 

I’m not sure any of us are quite done yet, I often wonder what the final count will be. 

Here she is… K x

Summer is here!

So, it’s the start of the summer holidays here for us. But it’s also been the end of an era. My middle child, youngest daughter has just finished her last year of first school. (Where we live we have a 3 tier system, first school is up to 9 years old, middle school until you are 12 and high school until you are 16, then you can choose where to continue further education.) Come September I will have 2 children in middle school and even though I am only just 30, this makes me feel so old! I’m just not ready for all the growing up that happens in middle school! So much more independence. Which is great for them as young ladies but something I am not ready for as their mother!

On the last day of the school year I attended Hallies leavers assembly. I wasn’t expecting the emotions that came with it. The year before when Laila left, she was fine. Happy to be moving on. Hallie cried her little heart out. She is a child who is rather self aware and tends to put on a ‘I don’t care front. Really she is probably my most emotional child. So I should have been mentally prepared for the upset. 

By the end of the day she came out of school happy and ready for 6 weeks of family time and fun.

Hopefully lots of dry days are on their way so we can spend lots of time outside. 

Hope all of your little ones enjoy their summer. K x

Hallie, on her first day of school and her last day of first school. 

To Google or not to Google.. 

Today I got a letter confirming Laila’s diagnosis of dyspraxia. The letter also stated that they would like to test Laila for ‘fragile x’ . I have honestly never heard of this and I am trying so hard not to Google this and worry myself more. Should I wait and see if it’s something to be concerned about or to prepare myself?! I just don’t know! 

I also joined a dyspraxia support group, they have spoken alot about routine and organisation labels and tags, colour coding ect. I am not really sure where to start  so If you guys have any tips on how to get into better habits please share with me! Kx

Photo Credit: unknown

A little lost.

For the past month now i have been battling the worst depression and anxiety i have experienced in many many years. Sometimes i feel like i am loosing my mind. Just the other day i decided to have an earlier night as i havent been sleeping well for a while now. So, i was lay in bed and it must have been a cold night as the heating clicked itself on. Well that was it, that alone set off the anxiety trigger, all of a sudden i doubting that i had double checked all windows and doors were locked, convinced myself someone would come in to the house during the night.. wait a minute, whats that noise? Im sure i heard foot steps down stairs. I search under the bed for my daughters old crutches and slowly creep down stairs, crutch in hand looking and checking everywhere was safe and locked before heading back to bed, almost running up the stairs like i was in a horror movie being chased by some kind of scary something and kept that crutch by my side for the rest of the night, but while all this was going on a little part of me knew i was being silly and was telling myself off for acting like a fool. There was me, the only one who knew but yet i felt embarrassed and ashamed, i felt like i was being a drama queen but at the same time still terrified of the fact that it could actually happen. 

This was jus one small example of what goes through my mind at times. Anxiety attacks when im out in public are becoming more regular. The thought of work panics me from the minute a work day finishes until the next arrives. 

I cant live like this. This isnt me. Though i need to accept it is now part of me. And thats not easy. 

I need to learn, learn about anxiety and its triggers, learn different ways of coping, find the ways that suit me. I need to learn how to be kind to myself and to truely believe its not a selfish act. I need to learn how to enjoy all the people and things i have around me. I know how lucky i am. But i want to really believe it from deep down and really be truely happy and comfortable in my own skin. Where to start? Kx

Hallie Mai, if only you knew…

My middle child, youngest daughter is in many ways the most difficult. She is very strong minded, we are so alike she knows how to push my buttons. She likes to feel like shes top dog. And quite often is the instigator of the rows with her siblings. But my goodness, she is so funny, she has me it stiches. She is wise beyond her years. She loves to clean and keep things tidy, at times she helps me before i have to ask. She has such a character. She has a heart of gold. And really, she is the biggest mommys girl, possibly in the whole world!! Once her school topic was heroes. She had to do a piece of work about who her hero was, why her teacher came out of school to purposely tell me this i had no idea… until he showed me what she had wrote. My heart melted as it filled with pride. I couldnt believe how much thought she had put into her answer and it was about… me!!! I cried some happy tears right there and then (much to Hallie embarrassment!) It was so nice to feel appreciated by this beautiful, fiesty, 7year old (at the time) daughter of mine. I thought i would share. They may not act like it at times, but even as kids, theu see, know and recognise more then we give them credit for. I love you Hallie Mai, always and forever. Kx