Laila turned 10!!..

A couple of days ago my first born had her 10th birthday! 

We went out for breakfast with most of the family, all her cousins were there and we took her bestie with us too. When we got home we started to set up for her little tea party. She went for a emoji theme and had a few friends over. They played make overs, card games and well there was a lot of selfie taking and giggling going on. Before we knew it her friends had gone home and we were blowing up balloons and singing happy birthday with a emoji cake with family all over again. Was a lovely day.

She had a lot of birthday money so we had a shopping day. Just the 2 of us. We went into lots of girlie shops and brought lots of bits and bobs. Was nice for me that even though we were buying make up, lush bathbombs, earrings and most of claires accessories, She really enjoyed going to build a bear and having so much choice of what to get. Was nice to see that she still enjoys being a little girl too.  

Happy birthday baby girl. Kx


A little make over..

I think that your 20s are a strange time. Everything changes from early to mid to late. Your friendships, lifestyle, wants, needs and likes. I became a mom a few months before i turned 20 so i grew up faster than a lot of my friends. And my taste was more of what i thought others would like of find acceptable and was easily led by others opinions so i never really fell in love with our first homes. Which looking back is quite sad.

Now i am a few months from turning 30. We moved into this house 2 years ago and i really feel like i am finally finding my style and have more vision for my home. I have recently added a few bits to my girls room, my room and the kitchen have had a little make over too. 

There is plenty more i want to do to, but i am enjoying looking for inspiration and coming up with ideas more than i ever have before! Kx

We must enjoy what we have..

I have this friend, and in so many ways we are the same. Especially when it comes to over analizing our parenting skills. Our situations on paper are very different but its the closest we both have to being able to understand each others ways of thing, which makes alot of the problems that arise over time quite similar.

Its good to have people around you who remind you that you arent alone.

Today we both spoke of our determination to get this parenting malarky right. As we all do. I feel like sometimes i may be a little hard on myself and my idea of the standard of parenting i want to achieve isnt always achievable. I dont mean in the day to day love. Maybe a little more time could be set aside at times but mainly i find myself torn. I would love to be the stay at home earth mother type, which i have a percentage in me, possibly 60%. I also want to be a hardworking role model who can provide alots of wonderful experiences and have a very comfortable finacial life… never going to be me. Yes i work, part time. In a nursery. I am never going to earn a fortune. But i am trying really hard to do my upmost best. We may not be travelling the world in style but we do share experiences in a less glam way closer to home. And my kids seem very happy with what we can do. 

I look at other people my age and how different our lives are. Right now i know one girl who is in NY doing photo shoots as a MUA preparing for fashion week. And another who is working on hair at london fashion week. Another who has built up her own beauty business so high shes just got a new salon and a beautiful 5 bed house and holidaying in duabi. I know i shouldbt compare. And im sure they are just as torn as me. Just in a different way. I dont have to leave my children for days to work and have nannys or clubs picking them up from school. Im there. I do wonder, i wonder if these mothers then make more of the time with their children and because moms like me are around more do we become complacent. Or do you loose that daily connection of what is going on in each others day to day lives.

 I also wonder if as parents we will ever be happy amd guilt free?? No matter which way our life style is.

At the end of the day i want them to be happy, well rounded kids who knew i was always there. Even if i cant always be there for every workshop or assembly. But i am their biggest cheerleader. 

I have to remember we cant have it all. We just have to enjoy what we do have and the experiences that come our way. As parents, we are all truly blessed.


Hallie is 9!!

Yesterday my baby girl turned 9 years old. I cant believe it! 

There is just over 11 months between my girls, so right now i have two 9year olds in the house. I am pretty sure there has been a miscalculation somewhere. I cant be old enough to have such grown up children. 

Hallie had a lovely birthday and she celebrated with friends over the weekend and we have a girls day out planned this coming weekend. 

I always remember my mom taking me and my sisters out for a 1:1 shopping day when we were young, so now they are older and ask for money more than gifts, i really enjoy having those same shopping days with my daughters. Kx

It just takes time.

So yesterday, 13th february marks a very important day for me. It was the day i gave birth to my 2nd daughter Hallie Mai. This year she turned 9 years old. Happened within a blink of an eye thats for sure.

It also marks the day of when i nearly died. Nearly leaving a 11month old and a newborn motherless. For years and years i have thought of these 2 things as one. Hallies birthday the day i almost died. And spent years reliving the fear and upset. And blaming myself and my body for something that was out of my control.

When Hallie was born i suffered with a retained placenta. It is thought that the placenta was covering scar tissue that was still healing from Lailas birth as i got pregnant so quickly. So the placenta torn pretty much in half. At staff change over. This information wasnt priperly passed over to new staff so i spent the next 4/5hours bleeding none stop. By the time my consultant came over i could no longer speak, i couldnt grasp a pen to sign my name on the forms for surgery they needed to do and i couldnt lift my body at all. In my head i was fine, i was using all my will and might to move and talk for what was needed. 

I remember as i was about to go down to theatre, i was looking at myself. It was like a birdseye view. I really didnt expect to wake up again.

But, this year is the 2nd year that i havent got upset. Or felt the need to relive that day. Yesterday was Hallies birthday. A day to celebrate. And today i remembered that i hadnt remembered and i feel so happy that 9years on i am moving past such a tramatic experience. I am a very lucky mommy. Kx

Poorly kids and work dont mix!

So i spent most of the night running from one room to another cleaning up sick, emptying sick buckets, holding hair back and comforting 2 of my 3 children. And i can honestly say i am exhausted! 

Its really hard to get someone to sit when it comes to sickness. And even if they are sick once and are fine in themselves they have to have the 48 hours off school. I cant help but be torn, torn between wanting to be home to look after my babies and feeling guilty for having to call work and tell them i cant go in for a couple of days. Especially when i said i would do extra hours because they needed me. 

I know im not alone here. So many mothers have this guilt feeling, no matter which they are able to do. Its quite sad that as soon as you become a mother that we start to feel guilty for everything. From breast or bottle, to going back to work or not financially contributing to the house hold. To leaving children with sitters or child care to forgetting to practise those spellings… again. 

I know im quite good at this mom thing, but theres always room for improvement when it comes to parenting. Just be nice if the guilt would leave us alone to be the moms we have to be. 


Laila has been diagnosed..

My daughter Laila turns 10 years old this month. When she was 5 we noticed her toe on her right foot wasnt growing straight and was causing her pain. Cutting a few years down abit, weve been told that it will be operated on once her feet stop growing. Because of the pain, Laila was sent to physio. By our second visit with a senior physio at birmingham childrens hospital, she had started to ask more questions about Laila. She has always been clumsy, unorganised/messy, kind of lazy, and abit ditsy, we say shes like a little disney princess in her own little bubble. She will take instructions quite literally. For example, if i asked her to tidy up her desk, she would just tidy up her desk and move all the mess to her bed or on the floor. Shes never been sporty, throwing amd catching can be amusing at times, shes a very stiff runner and doesnt seem to have much spacial awareness.

The physio wrote to our doctors who reffered her imediatly to the peadiatric clinic, to assess Laila for dyspraxia. Dyspraxia? I had never heard of it before. I had been getting so frustrated with Laila for her ways, i mean she was heading to middle school and i still had to remind her to put clean socks on. I thought was Laziness not for a moment did i think she may have a coordinational problem. That is actually classed as an actual disability.

My first feeling was guilt. How had i not known or picked something up sooner? All the times i had told her off for something that was possibly out of her control. Then the thought, i made her wrong, passed through my head.. was i to blame for her to have these issues?

She has been to one occupational therapy appointment for an assmessment and then our next visit to the peadiactric clinic, we were told to expect the paperwork to confirm dyspraxia within a month. 

I had spoken to people who had to fight to get a diagnosis, yet after one assessment here we were. I felt so lucky i didnt have to fight to get her any help she needed. But i also felt sad, sad that she obviously was struggling more than i knew. She hides it well. Rarely complains. But im her mom, i should have known somehow. 

They do want to do some blood tests to see if there is also any underlying muscle problem. But for now, this is where we are. Laila has dyspraxia. And she is a happy little girl in her own disney princess bubble.