Summer holidays have arrived!!…

Ive found that since my eldest started school the days seem long but the years so short. Even more so now they are all in school. Yesterday marked a big day in our house, my eldest, Laila finished year 4 which means she is off to middle school in september. Where we live we have a three tier school system, so school years 5-8 they go to a new school before high school. I have friends whos children are in the usual 2tier school system and they have said they think the middle school sees them grow up quicker and be more independant. Which is fine if they are ready. Im not sure Laila is. But she is excited to move on and start this next chapter. 

First, we get 6 weeks off for the summer break. Even though i still have work (boo!) We are determind to really enjoy our time together as a family and with our friends. We go on holiday with my mom and sister on monday and the girls have a friend each for a sleepover tonight. Earlier today Marley got some boy time with his cousin, who is just 16weeks younger so they are the best of friends too. Halliehad a birthday party which meant that me and Laila got 2 hours on our own together. Which is so rare. It was lovely to reconnect 1:1. It is something i am going to have to work out a plan of how i can do this with each of them more often! Hoping and determind to make lots of happy memories this summer. What do you guys have planned? Kx

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When do you step in?..

Having 2 daughters, 11months apart, at 8&9 who in many ways are chalk and cheese I find it really hard to know when to step in. I think when they were little, i stepped in far too quick far too often and as that got older it brought alot of tale telling on everyone about everything. I made a consious effort to let them work things out between themselves. Whatvi hate most is the mean girl, nasty personal comments. I know how this can damage your self esteem from experience which can take a life time of rebuilding if its said often enough. But what happens when these things happen outside your home, when my daughters friends fall out and i feel that my daughter is sticking closer to the one whos causing a problem and is close to bullying. My daughter technically isnt doing anything wrong, but sometimes just being there can cause peoples opinions to change and i dont want my child to be seen the way people see her friend. But who am i to tell her who she can be friends with? But shes so young and impressionable! I hope we talk often enough about making the right choices and i have installed some knowleadge and empathy for her to think about her own actions and the effects it may have on another but shes still a child. Am i expecting too much? Do i let her work these situations out for herself? Parenting this age group isnt as easy as i thought! Kx

Forever Friends?

I am a young mom, 19years old when i had my first, 20 when i had my second. Just 11 months between them! Crazy woman i am! By the time i was 23 i had a home a husband and my 3rd baby. I dont think it was just being young that made the transition hard, i think for any woman it is the people around you. Out of my friends i was the first to have a child, which meant our priorities were so different it was hard to find common ground. I was not interested in parties, pulling, doing a season abroad or any of those things and my friends certainly were not intrested in teething, weaning or what nappy creams work best! I found myself feeling isolated from people my own age. I tried going to baby groups but i found i felt so much judgement from older moms, i believed it was because i was young, and maybe they didnt think they would have anything in common with me, not that anyone would say that. Struggling to find the group i ‘belonged’ to, i stopped trying and before i knew it years had passed and all these relationships had changed, they were strained and abit awkward. Around the time i had my 3rd, others around my age started having their first babies. People started talking to me more, some would ask me for advise over facebook and would now comment on how well i had done because being a mom isnt always so easy and now they saw that for themselves and needed the support from like minded moms too. Now, i am 29, i have a small but strong group of friends of different ages, situations and family unit set ups. Parenting and friendships can be the best mix ever, but also can be really difficult. I had a friend who did pop round once in a blue moon and it wasnt an awkward meeting, but once she had her own, our parenting styles were miles apart. I find it can be really difficult to seperate friendships when you are parents whos standards and/or parenting styles are so different. Small differences are obviously much easier to go over your head. I do think eventually you find your way, some people are just passing through your life, it may be them teaching you something or you teaching them. Sometimes friends arent forever and you drift apart but stay intouch or maybe not,  meeting people is all learning, and learning is always good. We always find a small group we can rely on eventually. Just dont give up talking to and meeting people! Kx

Dear Betty

Dear Betty,

 Our lovely old nieghbour, you made us feel so very welcome when me and my little family first moved in to our little flat in four oaks. Im sure at first glance you must have wondered what kind of nieghbours we would be, a young couple, early 20s with a baby and heavily pregnant. But you didnt judge, and even though making your way up and down the stairs was hard for you, you still made your way to introduce yourself and offer any help you could give. I remember that well.

As the years went by, we spoke most days. Sonetimes just in passing, others would be longer chats sitting in the communal gardens while the children played and your little dog, poppet, hid under your chair eventually running around with the children like an excited puppy.

I loved your stories, especially when you went to australlia on holiday and didnt come back for 16years! I could really imagine you as an adventurous young woman. You certainly always looked like a beautiful, happy, young lady in your photos. I wish we hadnt got distracted so often and had to cut the story telling short.

7years on, my little family had out grown our little flat and we were moving on to our new home. It was such a stressful time, Laila had caught scarlet fever, we had to keep her away from you as your health wasnt what it used to be. Then the move came, 10days before christmas and the children were starting their new school. I promised we would come back and visit you soon. I know, i did leave it longer than either of us expected. This is now regret i have to live with. 

We did come back Betty, mid jan. I was so worried when you didnt answer, i had a feeling something wasnt right. We asked round to make sure you was safe and well and for someone to let you know we would be back soon. Then we were told the new that you had passed, 2weeks earlier. We were all heart broken. Marley took it very hard, he was just 4 and you were like another nanny to him. Even now, nearly 2years later, we still talk about you and miss you very much. I wish we had atleast got one more visit in before you had to leave forever. I hate to think you thought we had forgotten. Please forgive me, i hadnt forgot. I just let life get in the way.

I know you are at peace now with your son. And we will all meet again. You really did make an imprint in our lives. We love you and miss you. Poppet too! 

Love always, Kelly, Laila, Hallie and Marley xxxxx

Hallie Mai, if only you knew…

My middle child, youngest daughter is in many ways the most difficult. She is very strong minded, we are so alike she knows how to push my buttons. She likes to feel like shes top dog. And quite often is the instigator of the rows with her siblings. But my goodness, she is so funny, she has me it stiches. She is wise beyond her years. She loves to clean and keep things tidy, at times she helps me before i have to ask. She has such a character. She has a heart of gold. And really, she is the biggest mommys girl, possibly in the whole world!! Once her school topic was heroes. She had to do a piece of work about who her hero was, why her teacher came out of school to purposely tell me this i had no idea… until he showed me what she had wrote. My heart melted as it filled with pride. I couldnt believe how much thought she had put into her answer and it was about… me!!! I cried some happy tears right there and then (much to Hallie embarrassment!) It was so nice to feel appreciated by this beautiful, fiesty, 7year old (at the time) daughter of mine. I thought i would share. They may not act like it at times, but even as kids, theu see, know and recognise more then we give them credit for. I love you Hallie Mai, always and forever. Kx 

Why I started this page…

Being a single parent to 3 children, a shy and sensitive person who suffers with anxiety and depression, I threw myself into motherhood head on at full force. I took no time for me or any other relationships. I was totally unaware of how much i had been distancing myself from other people until Marley started school in september 2014. I was lost. All of my children were at school for 6 hours  5days a week and i was left behind not knowing what to do with myself. There were weeks when i would go days without talking to another adult, i had few friends and felt lonely and bored. So, I enrolled myself onto a college course, level 3 supporting teaching and learning thinking this would be a way to do something for myself, make new friends. Have adult conversations. This kind of worked. Well, honestly, it started to open my eyes to how much i had became just L,H&M’s mom… Kelly had gone. I had little idea of who i was, am or becoming. This is when my journey of self discovery began and the determination to enjoy more aspects of my life not just the mom part (still my favorite part of course!) I started going to regular therapy sessions, finding out about me and giving myself that time each month to explore deeper into my own thoughts and feelings. Slowly but surely learning about who Kelly is now and what it is i want and dont want. I am building up more faith in myself and finding some self acceptance. I still have a long way to go. But i am getting there. So, now i am at this place where i think that yes! actually, someone, somewhere will be interested in me, my thoughts and my feelings and this is the easiest way to start letting my thoughts and feelings run free. And it is so much healthier for me to type things and share whether no one reads ir the world reads than for me to keep it all inside. I have found it helps to organise my thoughts and can be a release of emotion. I will become the best version of me i can be. I will find self acceptance. I will discover who i truely am and start to enjoy the thing i enjoy. Not the things i think others want me to enjoy. I will find inner happiness and i will be a role model to my children of what you can achieve when you look after yourself and your mind. Kx 

Organisation??

I swear, i used to be a super mom! I found it so easy when i had 2 toddlers and a newborn to organise myself, housework, activities, nursery drops and pick ups with baby naps fitting in between so i never had to wake him (never wake a sleeping Marley, its like the hulk takes over!) I just seemed to be able to do it all. Obviously, being a super mom took its toll else where, I see now it contributed, very small on the scale but it did play a factor, in the break down in my marriage. Being a super mom and being so organised did take away any focus of being a super wife. Now? Well, the kiddies are 9,8 and 6 and all of a sudden i find myself in abit of a unorganised rut! I find that early evening, i just want to sit with a cupa tea, some chocolate and abit of trashy telly, instead of making lunches ready for the morning rush, getting washing sorted so i just have to press the button during the madness. Making sure everyone has the uniforms they need ready so they arent chasing me to iron something or other. Even as i write this post i have washing up to do, uniforms and all 4 of us need lunch for tomorrow, and as much as i know i should do it i convince myself its managable in the morning. Just enjoy the me time and peace. Then morning will come and i will be running around like a headless chicken to get everything done by 8.15! It would be lovely to be able to by motorvation in a bottle, wouldnt it? What are your top tips for organising your family in the mornings?? Kx